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KIPP’s DC turnaround plan surfaces at Wikileaks

August 14, 2010

As you know two of three KIPP schools in DC had their reading and math scores fall precipitously. I was just over at wikileaks and saw the turnaround plan posted. I’ve excerpted a bit of it below.

  1. Fire all teachers and administrators at the affected school(s).
  2. Detonate a low-yield tactical nuclear weapon, removing all traces of student records, test scores, employment records and the like.
  3. Hire new TFA grads to go in and clean up the radioactive debris.
  4. When they die, hire more TFA grads to bury the bodies and clean up the remaining debris and rebuild the new schools under new names.
  5. Hire different administrators.
  6. Hire the TFA grads that haven’t died from radioactive exposure because, through natural selection and the 8-week course they take, that means they’re gonna be great teachers.
  7. Enroll new students.
  8. Update mission statement to “Work hard, be nice, take high-pressure showers before you leave the school grounds.”
  9. Airlift Jay Matthews in on opening day so he can give us a glowing review in the WaPo.
  10. Store this plan for and reuse it when other schools’ test scores drop.
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One Comment leave one →
  1. Paul Gamboa permalink
    August 14, 2010 10:07 am

    This is brilliant!! Plus think of it this way, if enough kids get exposed to radiation, they might develop superpowers and mutate into a race of ├╝ber intelligent test taking machines with giant heads. I’m worried though that the showers won’t be enough to get everyone sufficiently safe for reintroduction. {looking westward} Let’s hope someone steps up at the next RA and draws up a resolution to make a youtube video about the dangers of acute radiation syndrome. I figured it was just a matter of time before the right started using tactical nukes.

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