KIPP’s DC turnaround plan surfaces at Wikileaks
August 14, 2010
As you know two of three KIPP schools in DC had their reading and math scores fall precipitously. I was just over at wikileaks and saw the turnaround plan posted. I’ve excerpted a bit of it below.
- Fire all teachers and administrators at the affected school(s).
- Detonate a low-yield tactical nuclear weapon, removing all traces of student records, test scores, employment records and the like.
- Hire new TFA grads to go in and clean up the radioactive debris.
- When they die, hire more TFA grads to bury the bodies and clean up the remaining debris and rebuild the new schools under new names.
- Hire different administrators.
- Hire the TFA grads that haven’t died from radioactive exposure because, through natural selection and the 8-week course they take, that means they’re gonna be great teachers.
- Enroll new students.
- Update mission statement to “Work hard, be nice, take high-pressure showers before you leave the school grounds.”
- Airlift Jay Matthews in on opening day so he can give us a glowing review in the WaPo.
- Store this plan for and reuse it when other schools’ test scores drop.
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Dr. Homeslice's Blog 
This is brilliant!! Plus think of it this way, if enough kids get exposed to radiation, they might develop superpowers and mutate into a race of über intelligent test taking machines with giant heads. I’m worried though that the showers won’t be enough to get everyone sufficiently safe for reintroduction. {looking westward} Let’s hope someone steps up at the next RA and draws up a resolution to make a youtube video about the dangers of acute radiation syndrome. I figured it was just a matter of time before the right started using tactical nukes.